oh my dear god.

i haven't updated this in over 4 months.

so much has happened since that last blog post.

i can't even begin to explain.

i'm writing this because i'm pretty emotional and i don't have anything else to do.

i need some sort of release, so here goes.

monday will be the beginning of the end to high school.

friday is my last day of school.

i can't believe it.

i want to jump with excitement but also sort of break down and cry.

my high school career got off to a rocky start.

my grandma died and i missed a ton of school freshman year.

it wasn't good.

some people were assholes to me.

it took me a while to develop this "i don't give a fuck" exterior.

(which, unfortunately, is pretty penetrable.)

i don't even remember sophomore year.

i swear to god, i must have gotten amnesia because it's all a blur.

so, sorry if i completely forgot that you were in my class or something.

junior year.

definitely awesome.

i worked my ass off and did super well.

i also started making friends. haha.

senior year.

best year ever.

i don't know where to begin.

this has been my best year.

i'm so sorry to see it end.

i've had some amazing experiences this year.

i've definitely made some mistakes along the way, but my best friend told me that that's the only way we truly learn about ourselves, which i've come to understand is absolutely true.

ahah. well, i actually don't know what else to say.

i'm feeling better just because i'm listening to miniature tigers.

they're my new favorite band.

i'll just turn my lights off and listen to them in the dark.

that's always fun.

you.

So, this post is going to be completely personal.

And you know what?

I don't care.

Read it, gossip about it if you so please.

I won't mind.

I'm just wondering how it's possible to feel the emotions I'm feeling right now.

How is it possible to love someone as much as I love you?

How is it possible for you to love me as much as you do?

Where do these feelings come from? Why are they so indescribable?

How I feel puts me at a loss for words.

There are absolutely no tangible ways for me to describe the emotions I have.

Think about how someone feels when they listen to their favorite song.

Maybe it makes them sad, maybe it makes them happy.

Maybe they feel a whole mix of emotions at once.

Whatever it is, they can't quite place their finger on it.

They know it makes them feel a certain way, but they just can't describe it.

I think that's how love must be.

Or at least, that's how I feel.

Holding hands, looking into each others eyes.

I would have rolled my eyes had I heard or thought about these things a while ago .

I was so cynical. I couldn't open myself up to anyone or anything.

That all changed when I met you.

How did we only meet 4 months ago?

Why weren't we friends before?

I keep asking myself these questions, but I realize that they don't matter.

What we have now is important.

You honestly mean the world to me.

You make me laugh.

You make me happy.

You make me smile.

You make me feel safe.

You make me cry (don't worry, they're tears of joy).

You make me want to be a better person.

You make me have butterflies in my stomach.

You make me dance around in my room with the music blasting.

You make me shake my head and say "oh my gosh," just because I can't explain how I feel for you.

You make me reread my texts before I send them to make sure I don't sound stupid.

You make me act as insane as I want to, because I know you'll laugh.

Most of all:

You make me meephaw.

lessons learned

New Years Eve is tomorrow.

This year is finally coming to a close.

It sure has been an interesting one.

I have experienced so much in the past few months.

My life changed at the beginning of the school year.

I started hanging out with more people and making new friends.

Through the changes in my social and personal lives, I've learned so much.

I've learned who I can talk to and truly trust.

I've learned about relationships and what they entail.

I've learned that the best option is usually letting things run their course.

I've learned that sometimes people will dislike you for no reason.

I've learned that hard work really does pay off.

I've learned that sometimes things don't go the way you first thought they would.

I've learned that that's okay sometimes.

I've learned more about my friends and how they think.

I've learned that it's important to think about how your actions affect others.

I've learned that I really don't care how people perceive me.

I've learned that sometimes you have to admit that you've made a mistake.

I've learned about myself.

I've learned about others.

I've learned that love really is all you need.

I love you.

!^!

Commercials make the American public seem like complete idiots.

First of all, I know I haven't written in this blog for over 3 months, but that's entirely irrelevant to this post.

I just saw a commercial for a new, digital pregnancy test (what other kinds of commercials are on during daytime soaps? besides commercials for life insurance and colon-regulating yogurt, that's basically it).

In the ad, the omniscient-product-spokes-voice describes how 1 in 4 women read the results of their pregnancy test wrong.

Of course, the blame can't be placed on the dumb-as-rocks women who can't tell the difference between "||" and "|"  or "-" and "+". Really, it's not their fault that they didn't read the directions or graduate from 8th grade. 

So, instead of letting these women stress out for a while and think they're pregnant, all the while they're just ridiculously stupid, the pregnancy test company comes out with a new test.

A NEW TEST?!

Wow, this DIGITAL (Wtf, honestly. Digital? Even things we have to pee on are becoming digital!?) pregnancy test (aka "Clearblue Easy [I'm not kidding. It's called "Easy", not "Just a bit complicated" or "The normal difficulty level of a pregnancy test" but no, "Easy".] Pregnancy Test").

Now, what's so great about this is that it says "PREGNANT" or "NOT PREGNANT" or "IMMACULATE CONCEPTION". It also tells you the baby's sex and helps you name the little bugger... (There was a joke somewhere in the previous sentences, find it.)

My whole point is that commercials are making us, the general public, seem like grade school drop-outs. It's pretty insulting if you ask me.

Also, some commercials are just stupid (not like beer-drinking, hahaha stupid, but seriously dumb).

One commercial that I thought was actually kind of interesting (at first, at least) showed one woman constantly changing outfits as she's walking through her house, obviously a nod to the ever-changing world of women's fashion. 

At the end of the commercial it said "Fashion has evolved, shouldn't bladder protection?"

WHAT?! WHAT DOES FASHION HAVE TO DO WITH A WOMAN'S INCONTINENCE? 

Honestly. These types of things drive me nuts.

But I just gotta ignore them. 

That is, after I complain about them first.

hysteria.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say on this subject, as I haven't really done any research, but am just going to give my opinion.

I think the whole Swine flu thing is ridiculous.
From what I've heard, it's treatable and really not that dangerous.
Just because it's spreading quickly doesn't mean it's going to be like the Black Plague.

I'm just annoyed by the media and its "OMGSWINEFLU" mentality.
And all those people walking around with face masks on? Please.

This was relatively pointless, I know.
I just needed to update my blog.

i've got nothing to worry about.

Except the fact is that I do.

AP tests and finals are fast approaching.
But what am I doing?
Listening to music.
Lots and lots of music.

I just bought a 3 day pass for Lollapalooza.
I'm so excited because I've never gone before.
I also want to make sure that I take full advantage of the $190 I spent.
That's why I've been trying to listen to new artists.

I've asked my friends to recommend new bands and singers to me.
Thanks to their lists, I am slowly broadening my musical horizons.

What surprised me, though, is that a band I actually liked before reading the Lolla lineup is going to be there.

Friendly Fires is who I'm most excited to see.
Their songs have such an amazing dance beat.
They are really good.
Plus, they're from the UK.
I recommend that you check them out.

Oh and even though I just plugged Friendly Fires, my post title is a line from "Nothing to Worry About" by Peter Bjorn and John.