oh my dear god.

i haven't updated this in over 4 months.

so much has happened since that last blog post.

i can't even begin to explain.

i'm writing this because i'm pretty emotional and i don't have anything else to do.

i need some sort of release, so here goes.

monday will be the beginning of the end to high school.

friday is my last day of school.

i can't believe it.

i want to jump with excitement but also sort of break down and cry.

my high school career got off to a rocky start.

my grandma died and i missed a ton of school freshman year.

it wasn't good.

some people were assholes to me.

it took me a while to develop this "i don't give a fuck" exterior.

(which, unfortunately, is pretty penetrable.)

i don't even remember sophomore year.

i swear to god, i must have gotten amnesia because it's all a blur.

so, sorry if i completely forgot that you were in my class or something.

junior year.

definitely awesome.

i worked my ass off and did super well.

i also started making friends. haha.

senior year.

best year ever.

i don't know where to begin.

this has been my best year.

i'm so sorry to see it end.

i've had some amazing experiences this year.

i've definitely made some mistakes along the way, but my best friend told me that that's the only way we truly learn about ourselves, which i've come to understand is absolutely true.

ahah. well, i actually don't know what else to say.

i'm feeling better just because i'm listening to miniature tigers.

they're my new favorite band.

i'll just turn my lights off and listen to them in the dark.

that's always fun.

you.

So, this post is going to be completely personal.

And you know what?

I don't care.

Read it, gossip about it if you so please.

I won't mind.

I'm just wondering how it's possible to feel the emotions I'm feeling right now.

How is it possible to love someone as much as I love you?

How is it possible for you to love me as much as you do?

Where do these feelings come from? Why are they so indescribable?

How I feel puts me at a loss for words.

There are absolutely no tangible ways for me to describe the emotions I have.

Think about how someone feels when they listen to their favorite song.

Maybe it makes them sad, maybe it makes them happy.

Maybe they feel a whole mix of emotions at once.

Whatever it is, they can't quite place their finger on it.

They know it makes them feel a certain way, but they just can't describe it.

I think that's how love must be.

Or at least, that's how I feel.

Holding hands, looking into each others eyes.

I would have rolled my eyes had I heard or thought about these things a while ago .

I was so cynical. I couldn't open myself up to anyone or anything.

That all changed when I met you.

How did we only meet 4 months ago?

Why weren't we friends before?

I keep asking myself these questions, but I realize that they don't matter.

What we have now is important.

You honestly mean the world to me.

You make me laugh.

You make me happy.

You make me smile.

You make me feel safe.

You make me cry (don't worry, they're tears of joy).

You make me want to be a better person.

You make me have butterflies in my stomach.

You make me dance around in my room with the music blasting.

You make me shake my head and say "oh my gosh," just because I can't explain how I feel for you.

You make me reread my texts before I send them to make sure I don't sound stupid.

You make me act as insane as I want to, because I know you'll laugh.

Most of all:

You make me meephaw.