lessons learned

New Years Eve is tomorrow.

This year is finally coming to a close.

It sure has been an interesting one.

I have experienced so much in the past few months.

My life changed at the beginning of the school year.

I started hanging out with more people and making new friends.

Through the changes in my social and personal lives, I've learned so much.

I've learned who I can talk to and truly trust.

I've learned about relationships and what they entail.

I've learned that the best option is usually letting things run their course.

I've learned that sometimes people will dislike you for no reason.

I've learned that hard work really does pay off.

I've learned that sometimes things don't go the way you first thought they would.

I've learned that that's okay sometimes.

I've learned more about my friends and how they think.

I've learned that it's important to think about how your actions affect others.

I've learned that I really don't care how people perceive me.

I've learned that sometimes you have to admit that you've made a mistake.

I've learned about myself.

I've learned about others.

I've learned that love really is all you need.

I love you.

!^!

Commercials make the American public seem like complete idiots.

First of all, I know I haven't written in this blog for over 3 months, but that's entirely irrelevant to this post.

I just saw a commercial for a new, digital pregnancy test (what other kinds of commercials are on during daytime soaps? besides commercials for life insurance and colon-regulating yogurt, that's basically it).

In the ad, the omniscient-product-spokes-voice describes how 1 in 4 women read the results of their pregnancy test wrong.

Of course, the blame can't be placed on the dumb-as-rocks women who can't tell the difference between "||" and "|"  or "-" and "+". Really, it's not their fault that they didn't read the directions or graduate from 8th grade. 

So, instead of letting these women stress out for a while and think they're pregnant, all the while they're just ridiculously stupid, the pregnancy test company comes out with a new test.

A NEW TEST?!

Wow, this DIGITAL (Wtf, honestly. Digital? Even things we have to pee on are becoming digital!?) pregnancy test (aka "Clearblue Easy [I'm not kidding. It's called "Easy", not "Just a bit complicated" or "The normal difficulty level of a pregnancy test" but no, "Easy".] Pregnancy Test").

Now, what's so great about this is that it says "PREGNANT" or "NOT PREGNANT" or "IMMACULATE CONCEPTION". It also tells you the baby's sex and helps you name the little bugger... (There was a joke somewhere in the previous sentences, find it.)

My whole point is that commercials are making us, the general public, seem like grade school drop-outs. It's pretty insulting if you ask me.

Also, some commercials are just stupid (not like beer-drinking, hahaha stupid, but seriously dumb).

One commercial that I thought was actually kind of interesting (at first, at least) showed one woman constantly changing outfits as she's walking through her house, obviously a nod to the ever-changing world of women's fashion. 

At the end of the commercial it said "Fashion has evolved, shouldn't bladder protection?"

WHAT?! WHAT DOES FASHION HAVE TO DO WITH A WOMAN'S INCONTINENCE? 

Honestly. These types of things drive me nuts.

But I just gotta ignore them. 

That is, after I complain about them first.

hysteria.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say on this subject, as I haven't really done any research, but am just going to give my opinion.

I think the whole Swine flu thing is ridiculous.
From what I've heard, it's treatable and really not that dangerous.
Just because it's spreading quickly doesn't mean it's going to be like the Black Plague.

I'm just annoyed by the media and its "OMGSWINEFLU" mentality.
And all those people walking around with face masks on? Please.

This was relatively pointless, I know.
I just needed to update my blog.

i've got nothing to worry about.

Except the fact is that I do.

AP tests and finals are fast approaching.
But what am I doing?
Listening to music.
Lots and lots of music.

I just bought a 3 day pass for Lollapalooza.
I'm so excited because I've never gone before.
I also want to make sure that I take full advantage of the $190 I spent.
That's why I've been trying to listen to new artists.

I've asked my friends to recommend new bands and singers to me.
Thanks to their lists, I am slowly broadening my musical horizons.

What surprised me, though, is that a band I actually liked before reading the Lolla lineup is going to be there.

Friendly Fires is who I'm most excited to see.
Their songs have such an amazing dance beat.
They are really good.
Plus, they're from the UK.
I recommend that you check them out.

Oh and even though I just plugged Friendly Fires, my post title is a line from "Nothing to Worry About" by Peter Bjorn and John.

have you ever seen the rain?

I made a list of things I really enjoy for the little box under the picture on my Facebook profile.

I'm going to write about each one of them in a blog post every time I have nothing else to talk about.

First on my list is rain.

Very convenient seeing how it has been raining all day today.

On most days, I enjoy a good, relaxing rain shower.

If I'm feeling a bit depressed or have a lot of things to do that include walking in the rain, then not so much.

Anyway, it's days like these when you just want to curl up and read a book.

(Or post on your blog, I guess.)

Rain has always been symbolic for cleansing, whether it be clearing off dirty snow that plagues our Chicago streets (not currently, thank goodness) or a more metaphorical, internal cleansing.

While I don't really get into the second of the two, I do think that rain helps put things into perspective.

If you're just sitting there listening to the rain, you start to think about things.

Hearing it drip down the gutter or fall onto the roof, your mind sort of clears itself out.

Plus, who doesn't love a bit of Creedence Clearwater Revival?

driving.

I want my license.
Yes, I only have my permit.
I've had it since September '07.
(I told you I am a procrastinator.)

I really like driving.
Though I'm sure I'd like it more without my parents in the car.
(eg. "Tania, there's a stop sign! Stop! Oh my God, you're going to kill us.")

But honestly, it makes me feel really independent.
I think that when I'm able to drive myself around and I don't have to rely on my parents to take me places, I'll feel a lot more mature.

I also like it because, even though I'm kind of a nervous person, I'm really calm when I drive.
I find it relaxing to just cruise around with the windows open and music playing.

I'm excited because my mom said she will probably (when she says probably, it's usually "yes".) get me a car.
She can't decide what kind of car would be best for me, though.

One minute she thinks the Ford F350 will be the safest for me to drive.
I think that I'd run people over and not even notice ("Was that a squirrel?")

Then she'll mention cars like Mustangs and Corvettes. Obviously the first one is a bit more affordable. I'll be honest, I wouldn't mind having a Mustang. I'd only be worried about someone carjacking me. Ahaha.
If I could get any sort of vehicle, it would be this:

Anyway, I have some reading to do.
The three books I can chose from are all 400+ pages.
Great.

twitter.

I just set up a Twitter account.
I think that it's a little pointless, but I know it will keep me busy.
Not that I need to be kept busy, but rather, to keep my mind from wandering when I'm uber bored.

My username is "loveandmadness".
I wanted to make it "peaceloveandmadness" but there were too many characters.

Anyway, this blog post is complete nonsense.
It's not organized or well thought out.
Either way, I still have something to say.

So, tonight my family and I saw the Hannah Montana movie.
Thrilling, I know.
But I'll be honest, I really really like the song "The Climb."

It's pretty much talking about how life's full of hardships and it's not about actually getting to your endpoint, but what you do on your way there.
I know it sounds cliche and oh-so-Disney, but for some reason it's really resonating with me.
It makes a lot of sense.

I'm starting to realize that life goes by so fast.
It's April of my junior year already and I feel like I still have so much I want to do.
I sort of want to "break out of my shell", if you will.
I was at the store yesterday and I heard a song on the radio and just randomly started dancing.
It was a lot of fun.
And I want to have fun more often.
My life is just way too boring.

Well, this post was all over the place.
Sorry if it caused you mental pain.

-tania

ew.

Do you ever get an image or thought stuck in your head and no matter what you do, you can't get it out?
Of course you have.
Who hasn't?

I'm being plagued by a mental image that's been on my mind for a few days.
This is a serious problem.
I keep trying to erase it from my thoughts, but to no avail.
Every time I shoo it away, it comes back in and creeps around like the crazy lady in "The Yellow Wallpaper" (for some reason, that's the only simile I could think of when using the verb "creep").
It's just such a "blegh" picture.

Hopefully it will have the consideration to give me a respite.

I also have a song stuck in my head, but that I don't mind too much.
It's "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.
I don't even know why I like it so much.
I think I just have fun doing the hand motions during the chorus.

I should probably get to sleep.
I'm going out to lunch tomorrow with a few amazing people.
I need to be fully rested in order to be ready for the awesomeness that is sure to happen.

-tania

my mind.

I'm pretty sure my head's going to explode.

There's way too much going on inside my brain for it to still function properly.

Here are some visuals so you can get a sense of what's going on in my head:

(Easter)

(AP Exams)

(Emotions, feelings, etc.)

 (A movie I've wanted to watch again for the longest time but haven't had the chance to)

(English extra credit opportunity)

       (TMJ)

Ok, I think that list was enough.

Now, I'm not complaining, because, as we all know, that's pointless.

I'm pretty much just trying to straighten out my thoughts.

And I'm obviously doing so online, because really, what other way is there? [/end sarcasm]

I'll try to post again soon, even though I don't even want to keep this blog anymore.

I want to be honest and open with what I post, but that's really not an option.

I try to make my posts as indirect as possible, but I know that the people who read this blog know what I'm talking about.

Don't think I don't know that you know, ahaha.

Anyway,

I think I'll get something to eat now.

-tania

wait, what?

Awkward moments define my life.

I pretty much savor them when they come along.

Usually a situation springs up and I'll just go, "Wait, what?"

Like, "Is this seriously happening?"

But it's fine, I'm used to it.

No problems here.

I just laugh it off, because honestly, I don't dwell on things.
There's no point.

Plus, it's not good for the soul.

-tania

dancing.

I haven't posted in a while.
I've been so busy, with life and stuff.
You know.

Anyway, Junior Prom was yesterday.
Very, very fun.
:)

I was really worried about was dancing, however.
I seem to always make a fool out of myself when trying to dance.
Yesterday was probably no exception.
I did eventually let loose though, after much encouragement.
It was kind of hard to dance to a lot of songs, though, thanks to the DJ.

But I'm not complaining.
Not one bit.
It was definitely a lot of fun.

-tania

lol. rofl. lmao.

It's really hard to express yourself over the internet.

On one hand, you don't want to come across as bitchy to someone you don't know, but on the other, you don't want to seem like a mouse.

This really bothers me.
I'm the kind of person who needs the inflection of her voice to be heard.
Especially because I'm so sarcastic.

What's even worse is when you're trying to show that you're currently laughing.

First, there's the LOL.
I'll admit, I do "laugh out loud" from time to time, but this one is just so overused that I feel like a total n00b when I type it.

Second, ROFL.
This happens to be my personal favorite, not really sure why. I mean, I don't actually fall out of my chair and "roll on the floor laughing", but I use this one the most.

Third, LMAO (or LMFAO, depending on the degree of laughter, I suppose.)
I don't really use this one at all. I think it's because I just don't like the mental image that goes along with it.

Anyway, I just felt like saying this, even though it was pretty pointless.

untitled.

I'll be honest, I don't know what to post tonight.
After yesterday, my views on so many things changed.
(ex. my previous post about junior prom should definitely be disregarded.)

But seriously.
I'm pretty much just sitting here and thinking about how to explain the tornado of thoughts going on in my head.
I pretty much realized that I can't, though.

So, I've just been listening to music to make up for the fact that I can't really explain myself.
"Kids" by MGMT and "Strawberry Swing" by Coldplay are the songs that have been on repeat for the past few hours.

Ok. I can't think of a witty conclusion to this post, so... I guess one won't be provided.

-tania

yes, definitely.

I just want to say that black and brown can most definitely be worn together.

That is all.

-tania

procrastination.

JRP.

Hearing these three letters may cause various side effects such as nausea, headaches, and a wide range of gastrointestinal disorders.

At least for the juniors at my school.

Now is the time of the Junior Research Paper.

(Yes, it deserves capital letters; it's that important.)

A 5-7 page essay chalk full of quotes, judgments and over the top language that no one actually uses while speaking.

Obviously it's what I'm currently not working on.

I think the longest essay I've ever written was a solid 3 pages that may have spilled over into a 4th. But this 5 page minimum seems so daunting. I'll be lucky if I get 4 full pages. Ugh.

Anyway, my story is "Jeeves Takes Charge" by P.G. Wodehouse.

I'll be honest, I only chose it because of the "Jeeves and Wooster" TV show on the BBC from the 90s starring Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry.

It is pretty funny, though. Especially when I picture Hugh Laurie acting like a complete buffoon.

Well, I think I've procrastinated enough.

Time to get back to work.

-tania

:)

It's funny how I'm writing these posts and pretending no one will read them, when, obviously, they will be read (and probably misinterpreted... or correctly interpreted, who knows). But the thing is, I really don't mind. It's so much easier for me to just put my feelings out there than to actually talk to someone and say how I feel or what's going on in my life.

The only bad thing about online communication is that it's almost impossible to express real emotions through 26 letters and an assortment of characters.

It's especially difficult to get the point of a smile across. 

These characters -- :) -- simply do not relay the feeling of joy that one usually feels when smiling. 

Especially when Facebook chat turns them into creeptastic pedophile-like smiles, the corners of their mouth turned up so far you'd think they just got a botched face-lift.

A smile is a simple, yet meaningful facial expression. 

I may smile a lot, but each smile has a different meaning behind it. 

Either way, smiling is just an all-around great thing to do.

I think it's been proven to enlighten the soul. (ok, I don't really know, but that would be great)

So, if you're ever at a loss for words, just do what I do.

Smile.

-tania

i have no doubt, one day the sun will come out.

Today was an absolutely lovely day.

I don't really need to say why, though.

I have my reasons.

Because of this, I figured to do a music post.

I will periodically do these, especially since music is such an important part of my life.

Anway, let's start.

Coldplay

is one of the best bands I have ever listened to.

I can not explain what their music does to me. I can honestly feel a multitude of emotions at the same time when listening to them. I'll be in a great mood and if "The Scientist" comes up on my ipod, I may (half of the time) start bawling, for absolutely no reason at all. But then on the flip side of that, I'll be having a craptastic day and listening to "Yellow" will make everything better.

Here are some of my favorite lines:

But I have no doubt

One day the sun will come out

- Lovers in Japan

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

- The Scientist

Yeah... 

So that list was pretty weak, but it's too hard to pick favorite lines when the whole song is amazing. Also, I tried to include a picture in this post, but could not get it to work. What a shame.

I'm doing another post because this one was unacceptable according to my standards.

-tania

the case of the clam.

I come across to most people as being really shy and quiet.

A girl who keeps to herself.

But if you talk to me for over 15 minutes, you'll quickly come to another conclusion.

I believe most people think "Jesus, this girl is insane/loud/obnoxious/hilarious."

I love talking to people and making them laugh.

The part I previously mentioned about me being shy does hold true, though only in special cases.

There are certain people (well, a certain person...) with whom I would love to have a converstion with. Any time I am near this "certain person", I clam up. Seriously, I can not say a word. A little laugh and a smile is about all I can produce. I'll sit there in class thinking "Ok, I'll talk now... Maybe now... Ok, now... I swear I will!" Just when I'm about to say something, it always happens.

The bell rings.

This has happened on more than one occasion.

The first time I thought, "Oh, that was just unlucky."

The second time I thought, "Crap. Ok, next time."

...

The @!&^%&th time I thought, "TANIA OPEN UP YOUR EFFIN MOUTH, GODDAMMIT."

I'm seriously starting to get worried (and maybe a little amused at how ridiculous I'm being).

I mean, there are only about 2 more months of school.

If I don't strike up a conversation now, I won't have the chance to. 

Ahaha.

It doesn't really matter, though.

I feel like I've only been complaining on this blog so far.

I promise next time I'll post something happy and exciting.

-tania

a dilemma

Junior Prom is on April 4th. 

Sounds exciting, right? 

Wrong.

At least for me.

The fact is that I'm not exactly the main character in a Disney movie who ends up with all her hopes, dreams, and (insert another cliche term here) fulfilled.

Far from it.

I think I'm just making things complicated for myself. Nothing has ever actually happened to me that would make me feel like this. 

But that's my point. 

Nothing ever happens. 

I think I have a better chance of catching the bird flu than being asked to prom (or even on a date).

Yes, that's where this post is going.

My problem is that I'm not very outgoing. My mom always says you have to be a friend to make a friend (or something along those lines.) I guess the same goes for relationships.

People (aka feminists) have said "Don't wait for a guy to ask you to prom. Ask him yourself. Be an independent woman!" Blahblahblah. I can hear Beyonce in the background just thinking about it. 

But I am a sucker for chivalry. I could have easily lived during the time when the guy swept the girl off her feet and carried her off into the sunset (if that even happened, that is). 

I'm lucky if a guy will hold the door for me.

I think I went off on a tangent. Back to my point.

I like someone. I'll tell you that much.

But (wait for it...) I don't think he likes me.

Surprised? Probably not.

What's worse is that I know that someone else likes me but I like him as a friend.

Ouch, I know. 

(At this point, I'm a little worried about who's reading this blog but, I guess I'll take my chances).

I can't even describe how I feel everytime I think about how I probably WON'T get asked by the person I like. Ok, I'll try.

Imagine someone screaming a certain curse word.

Now multiply that by 10 (Or 100, depending on how loud you imagined the person screaming).

Maybe I'm just being overly dramatic.

I joke with my family that I'm going to turn into a spinster.

My little sister has fun imagining me being a single old lady with 27 cats.

Gee, thanks Giana.

Either way, I'm not expecting much.

My expectations for everything these days have been set pretty low.

But there is a part of me that is hoping that what I want to happen will, in fact, happen.

Until then, I'll just listen to Coldplay and pretend that Chris Martin is singing to me.

-tania

hello big world!

I'll just start off by saying I like to procrastinate.

Why should I finish my homework when I can start a blog instead?

I've always wanted to. In fact, I did (see wildflowervintage.blogspot.com).

It didn't really take off. But maybe that's because I never actually made a third post. 

Either way, here I am.

I'm really not good at these things, but hopefully that will change.

The fact is that I have a lot of things to say and really no one to say them to.

An online journal that the whole world can read is obviously the answer to that.

I think this blog will comprise of 1.) my ramblings about school and life in general 

2.) random pictures or anything I find hilarious/interesting

3.) a few swear words here and there

Well, I'm pretty sure I'll post again later today. I'm feeling the urge to share my thoughts

on junior prom [ sneak peek-  :/  ]

<3

-tania